Once when P.D. was searching the mayhem of his office ("I could fill a vacuum.") for a book, he came up empty and said rather placidly, "Oh well, it must be one of those that didn't find its way back." Doesn't that bother you, I asked, when you lend someone something? "No," he replied, "I did the right thing. It's a matter of someone else to do the same."
It was an early example in how well contained this man was. He refused to get angry because it was self destructive. "Being shocked," he distained with half lidded eyes, "takes too much energy." A negative thing has no weight, he told me often. Forgiveness is the greatest gift: to yourself. Guilt is a wasted emotion. Worrying about the future is counter productive, "Let the future take care of itself." Living in the moment is the most anyone could do. And in affairs of the heart that were going wildly & tearfully wrong he offered me the best wisdom: "You must enjoy pain more than I do."
Nor was he a passive wimp. I was hysterical with laughter when he related how he took a telemarketing woman to task for having the audacity to call him by his Christian name when they hadn't been properly introduced... and the time he finally allowed door-to-door evangelists into his home and were laid low by a man of extreme Faith, knew the Bible by heart, believed in a Loving God... and, to boot, even taught Sunday school! The door knockers couldn't stagger out fast enough.
P.D. concentrated on the good he saw in people, but he wasn't oblivious. When I complained (as I am wont to do... occasionally) about his fellow faculty he would acknowledge "Yes, he can be a bit of a martinet," or brush aside with his typical cackle, "... and that skunk of a toupee that he wears!" It was harmony he desired... though I do remember a growl over the phone, "Sometimes YOU make me so mad!" Well to be fair, I could claim the same. He was a notorious Re-Gift-Giver! Chris Apel happily announcing to me, "Phil just gave me this wonderful album of music called 'A Medieval Christmas'."
My teeth were grinding when I exploded, "I GAVE THAT TO HIM!" (and remain adamant the Finest recording of its kind). He was forever fobbing off unread novels, partially nibbled foodstuffs, and even clothing that could only possibly fit him. It was so annoying.
Still have a book of his I forgot to return.
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